Years ago, I declared being over updating my resume and all other such hoop jumping, which is why last week saw me doing that and so much more in search of gainful employment. With the new reality of near post-COVID-19, applying for a job means not only looking at online job listings, but maneuvering through their application process with the added hoop of taking their online assessment.
The nerd in me likes quizzes, especially the ones which challenge basic algebra/logic skills, along with reading comprehension, vocabulary, and how to answer customer concerns, but it was too much of a good thing in a short space of time. Also it didn’t help that I always chose to take the assessments in the evening, usually following the tedious application process.
If one successfully jumped through the application and assessment hoops, then comes the interview. For the first time ever, I had a Zoom call interview, along with a mock customer service interview where I read from a script, and finally two telephone interviews. Every interview option except for in-person. Most of the jobs were remote, the consequence of surviving a pandemic. Workplaces are no longer office-bound.
For shit and giggles, I jumped through the hoops for a “free” computer training class. Apparently, my pandemic-induced underemployment qualified me to apply. The application process for this class was far beyond any job application. I don’t know how a person with any physical/mental/housing/food/literacy/mathematical/logical/internet challenges could possibly fill out all the digital pages, upload the attachments, calculate their monthly budget and blah, blah, blah. The most vulnerable population have the largest bureaucratic hurdles to prove their needs.
Originally my commission statements weren’t acceptable because they needed pay stubs. Once I pointed out that I was a 1099 employee, they accepted the commission statements. Magic!
What turned out to be psychologically worst was the “letter of justification.” In other words, why should taxpayer money pay for me to take the class. I wrote the most awful essay I’ve ever written in my adult life. Of course everything was spelled and punctuated correctly. Beyond that, the essay did the bare minimum of answering the questions, some of which required me to look up three job titles and their associated entry level salary, along with three companies I could apply to. I agonized though that hoop as if it were a Herculean task.
After attaching all the digital documents to an email, I took the three-part assessment, which I thought was saving the best for last. I whipped through the vocabulary part. The reading comprehension section absolutely annoyed the hell out of me. As much as I love to read, those passages along with their vapid questions drained my soul. At least the assessment ended with math. By that time, my head hurt and my stomach growled, which dampened the joy of doing math.
After laboring through that assessment, I persuaded my roommate to make a food and booze run. It was nearly 10 PM. I sat there watching TV and illustrating on my iPad, feeling that both hemispheres of my brain had drifted very far apart.
No matter what, I’m not applying to shit for while. My last interview on the following Thursday will be the last interview for awhile. Seems unrealistic to say it’ll be the last one I’ll ever have in life, but one can dream.