Looking back over my life, I realize that my “happily ever after” began the day I was born. How fortunate was I to be born into a family where my parents loved each other and had practiced caring for children already in the form of my two older sisters.
Despite the socialized and hormonal growing pains that I went through, which weren’t as unique as I had originally thought, I’ve lived a happy life, punctuated only by the occasional pitfalls and nonchronic touches of depressing moments. What I have discovered is that the unhappiest times of my life were when I felt a tremendous loss of freedom. Whether the loss came from my parents’ strict rules or some asshole boss limiting my abilities to teach the way that I felt would best serve my students, I felt trapped.
As far as my lovelife is concerned, I now realize that in addition to no one, family nor academics, had ever taught me to sustain a loving relationship. I’ve always wanted to maintain my sense of freedom, but be in a monogamous relationship. For years, I’d been told that I was too picky, but what I’ve learned about myself is that I’ve lacked empathy–even with myself. Of course, that’s not the full story. I’m still a strange bird for not wanting to marry nor have children and none of that can be explained away by my heterosexual orientation.
Nonetheless, as I research for my latest fiction novel about a college dropout turned stripper who finally becomes a restaurant manager, there are very real society pressures that limit a woman’s autonomy. I’ve done well by being educated and being able to control whether I he children or not, but the remaining aspect in my life that’s been haunting me is finances.
Traditionally, a woman was to marry so her husband could pick up taking care of her where her father left off. Even though that’s an antiquated idea, it’s still a viable and expected option for many women. What’s so insidious about this is that every woman can potentially reduced to trading sex for financial security.
I recently shared with a male friend the fact that I was saving up money so I could live for at least 6 months without a regular paycheck. He applauded my foresight and financial discipline. Immediately following that compliment, he offered living with him if I needed to. In the next breath, he said that if I lived with him, he’d be late for work every morning since we’d have sex that regularly. Then it was my turn. I informed him that mornings were my writing time. Who knows if he noticed my look of disgust as I witnessed him first praising my intelligence for saving up money to my downgrade of being his in-house prostitute if I wanted his financial support, which I’d never asked for nor hinted at.
Once again, I’m equating the possession of money together with the correct set of priorities as a vital key of happiness. Guarding my freedom is another key to happiness. As long as I have viable options to stay true to myself, I’ll continue my happily ever after lifestyle.