“Spinster” used to be defined as a childless, older woman beyond the age of marriage. Times have changed. The “old maid” has been put to rest after a long run of shaming and guilting women into a desperate marriage to avoid being her. My definition for “spinster”: an educated, childfree woman of any age who supports herself financially and has not prioritized getting married. With new definitions come new rules.
When asked why she’s never married, the confirmed bachelorette doesn’t bow her head in shame and mumble about how she’s never met the right man. Instead, she proudly rounds her shoulders and says, “Just lucky, I guess.”
A girl’s best friends are no longer diamonds. She only wanted those because she had very few viable financial means to support herself besides marriage, inheritance and jewelry. Nowadays, a girl’s best friend is generating her own income since money can buy happiness when she has her priorities right.
The contemporary spinster knows that her hair is her crown and glory and she prefers her crown to turn silver, celebrating all her collective years of glory.
If she suffered a disfiguring accident, then she’d have reconstructive surgery, but aging is no accident. It’s a blessing. The practical spinster wants single men to know sight-on-seen that as an older woman, she isn’t going to tolerate the same bullshit as in her 20s. Gotta grow up some time.
The modern spinster’s fashion is ANYTHING she wears. After surviving decades of misogynistic fads, she knows confidence and happiness are true timeless styles, which go with any accessory.
To set the record straight: older single women don’t chase after younger men. We just can’t run fast enough when they chase after us.
And here’s a piece of silver spinster advice: If your buff boyfriend goes to carnival wearing hardly anything except a severed stuffed animal horsehead on his dick, you can’t be jealous when other women take pictures with him.
Lastly, there’s always a silver lining if you’re not too angry to see it.