So, if I’m a straight, single woman who has her own money, doesn’t want children, but wants male companionship, why do men always fuck that up? I’ve already gotten over the fact that most men don’t read as much as I do or juggle as many interesting activities, but ever since I started dating when I was a teenager, most guys have either bored me after a date or two or tried to turn me into their housenigger–you know, that woman you cajole into doing all the drudgery you don’t want to do yourself despite the fact you’re a grown ass man and perfectly capable of doing so? And no, I’m not angry. Just realistic. If I minimize the amount of time I do that shit for myself, I sure in the hell don’t want to waste time doing it for another person. Honestly, if I don’t need a man’s money, not even on a date, then what reasonable expectation does he have that I’ll take care of the menial tasks in his life? None, as far as I’m concerned. Tina Turner was right: What’s love got to do with it? Honestly, I’ve never once thought, “Oh my God, I’m spending way too much time reading books. I wish I had more housework and errands to do!”
Here’s another thing: I firmly believe in not comingling funds. If it’s my birthday, then you can buy me dinner or a drink, but even then, it’s not an obligation because I don’t go out unless I have the money to do so. I also expect the same in a guy, along with him taking care of his other basic responsibilities of being an adult.
In addition to not comingling funds, I’m against comingling body fluids with the notable exception of salvia. Human salvia. If you’re the guy who lets your pets lick all over your face, forget it. Every woman has her standards.
Since I’ve never wanted children, why should seminal fluid or sperm ever enter my body? It just becomes another thing to clean up and we women already do enough of cleaning up. So don’t be that guy who goes on a date or comes over to hang out without condoms. You’re already not spending money on me cause I don’t need it, so you should have enough for condoms. If you’re that fucking cheap, you aren’t worth fucking. And I know what you guys are thinking, “It’s not the cost, I just don’t like wearing them because it dulls the sensation.” But, you know what’s really dull? Not fucking because you didn’t bring any condoms! Honestly, it’s less mess and hassle to self-pleasure.
Thanks to Meetup, I don’t have to look for an interesting male companion any more. I join the groups that do interesting things. That’s half the battle. Humans are sociable animals and I can socialize with people who have common interests.
Yet, I still wanted to discover why men fuck up companionship with a woman who doesn’t want his money, baby or wedding ring. I know that any combination of those three things can be wonderful for some, but what I see are three traditional ways to control women.
So, I invited some friends to bar where we discussed these issues with three bartenders. (Yes, I focus grouped this one.)
Before bringing the bartenders into the conversation, we first discussed what we wanted out of men since we were all independent women. Not surprising, at the top of the list, none of us wanted a possessive man. After all, what part of “independent woman” would actually be appealing to a possessive guy?
We want a man to be part of our life, but not to assert himself as if he’s our ENTIRElife. It’s the difference between being needed and wanted. A needed man is a part of a woman’s survival strategy; a wanted man shares in her happiness. If she’s already surviving pretty well before she meets you, then she wants you as a companion, not some knight in shining armor, or meal ticket or sugar daddy.
Since companionship can take a lot of forms, the next important thing is for a guy to be upfront about his needs. Even the bartenders confirmed this much. Both the guys were Virgos, but whereas one was the most dreamy-eyed romantic monogamist, the other was polyamorous and they communicated clear expectations. The third bartender, a woman who was also the only single parent among them, considered communication and a non-possessive man to be at the top of her list because it’s just exhausting otherwise.
We women think seriously about having both the time and energy for a boyfriend. And wouldn’t it be wonderful if sex was never a chore? Which is why I strongly advocate for separate residences. Because when we plan to spend time together, I’ve scheduled the time and energy and naps for that. And then he leaves. That’s just the proper punctuation at the end of a well-written sentence. We can spend some quality time together and some quality time apart.
Nothing makes the heart grow fonder than not being around you 24-7! Have you ever heard people who don’t live together complaining about needing their own space?
And this should go without saying, but with the rise of digital and surgical enhancements, I’ll say it anyway: to love me is to love my body the way it is. If you’re turned off by my looks, I’m going to be turned off by hearing you complain about it. And I expect the same. There are male friends who I don’t find physically attractive, so I don’t go into that zone. If you feel the need to make major edits to someone’s physique, then don’t pursue that person.
We also agreed that we wanted a man who was spiritually and emotionally balanced. The guy who’s moral, has integrity and goals in life, but not such a fanatic that he zapped all the joy out of living and emotional vampires need not apply.
Now, I realize some of you are thinking that I’m too picky or unrealistic or stubborn, but you know what I am? Patient. I believe one day in the not so distant future Mr. Perfect will stroll into my life because he’ll be a made to order boyfriend cyborg. And Jeff Bezos will make that a seamless transaction and delivery!