In this triple-digit summer heat, some may feel sluggish, gasping for breath in the humidity-filled air, wondering how anyone can logically doubt climate change when every summer seems to be the record-hottest.
Even those climate change-denying enthusiasts who hold up a snowball as they willfully mistake “weather” for “climate,” are part of the most insidious evil machinations known to our democracy: the rise of the middle manager.
Make no mistake. Middle managers don’t arrive at their position because they’re the best, the smartest or even the most logical. Their sole purpose of existence is to provide denial plausibility for upper management, while unleashing the most asinine policies onto the overworked, underpaid masses. And if you’re merely thinking of the present administration, I’m sorry to tell you this disaster has been in the making for several decades now.
Unlike other epidemics, I cannot pinpoint a patient zero who infected all other workplaces, big and small, with this diabolical strain of middle managers. Those who get paid to regurgitate soul-zapping policies, which remind the huddled masses that the smallest man in the dick-comparing contest is in charge and must overcompensate by ramming the most logically-defiant practices down the throats of those who may risk a scream of protest.
Like any gang of moneyed thugs, upper management initiates the newest middle managers by giving them a hit list of bad shit to do to prove their loyalty. You’ll know exactly when the new bullshit hits. There’ll be this big announcement of congratulations to the newly minted middle manager. The company may even make some type of celebratory gesture. That’s merely the calm before the storm.
There may not be any actual poison in your cup, but make no mistake, you’re gonna drink the Kool-Aid—at least until you find another job. After a new middle manager’s jumped in, the mental and physical slow deterioration due to additional work-related stress starts to take its toll.
And the closer we get to the end of the world, the less sense the directives are going to make. It’s truly going to be a mad scramble to the death for the last of the available resources. And then what?
Will some brilliant woman Interstellar our way out of this shit? Will she even have enough autonomy and agency to do so? It’s bad enough that climate change deniers are hastening the end of the world, but these motherfuckers want to roll back women’s reproductive rights as well?!
Because what we need at the end of the world and its dwindling resources is even more mouths to feed, more bodies to shelter, and more children without health care. And in order to save money, we’ll stop vaccinating. That way, as the world burns, all those diseases modern medicine eradicated can now thrive and we can invite an asshole to throw a snowball at it. I recommend a middle manager to do the deed. They’ve got great arm strength from all that illogical shit shoveling.
As the diminishing population of sane humans look around, scratching our heads and wondering, “How in the hell did we get HERE?”
One middle manager promotion at a time.